Taking care of yourself

I'm in a new season of taking care of myself.

Sounds a little strange to say it that way but it's true.

I'm responsible for me and to be the best me possible.

Something has been happening to me the past few months that I want to explain here and I don't have much time so forgive the mistakes and inadequacies in expressing myself.

Firstly, I've been learning to accept myself as I am. This is a huge step for me because I grew up in a really critical environment-- a fairly negative one. I have had to really learn to be positive. But I've felt for a long time that something is missing beyond optimism or being positive. 

I need to really like and love me.

I've been learning to accept myself as I am--not as I should be or would like to be...but right now.

Realizing God loves me and giving mental ascent to an idea is easy--but embracing this in our hearts and our thinking is another. God's love has always been there. His love and acceptance and reassurance that I belong have always been there. But I'm really learning to accept this to be true right now.

This gives way to my second point.

I've not been happy with my weight for a long time. I have seasons where I get a hold of this and I change but it has not been something enduring. I stumbled about some extreme weight-loss videos on youtube that have been encouraging. I watched some episodes of  "extreme weightloss makeover editions" with Chris Powell-- wow! Those have been inspiring. They've helped me to move forward in my own journey.

Realizing that I'm 44 years old (as of last month) and that my energy levels have been decreasing as my weight has been increasing is a sobering thought.

Probably for the first time--not as a means of acceptance or love or approval for anyone--not as a way to EARN love or respect from anyone else-- I am losing weight and taking care of myself for ME.

In the past, I would dread going home to California if I'd been gaining weight. I would feel a need to diet or change myself if I was going to meet up with friends or family--- because of what THEY thought.

I don't care anymore.

This is about me. This is for me. I have to take a hold of my life in order to be the best possible me I can be so I can live a long, healthy and fruitful life.

I've only been in this process a few days but I can already feel the difference. I've been exercising, eating better. The scale was a sobering moment yesterday but I'm facing these things so I can set a goal for myself over the next  year. I want to lose 50 pounds over the next year. I think it's totally possible and I feel God's encouragement and strength.

I have a renewed hope and joy in everything knowing that I'm taking a hold of this. I sense the Holy Spirit in me also rejoicing.

God is good. I look forward to the next year and all the changes!