Pilgrimage

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,

who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

As they pass through the Valley of Baca, 

they make it a place of springs;
       the autumn rains also cover it with pools.

 They go from strength to strength,
       till each appears before God in Zion. 

Psalm 84:5-7 

I've always liked to do things quickly. I'm in a rush. I have this need to GET IT DONE--to keep moving--to make things happen.  Go-go-go! I can be very driven and busy. 

I think most of my life I have valued results over process...destinations over journeys, and product over performance... I have been interested in the OUTCOME...what have we achieved, what have we done? And sometimes if I can't measure that, I get discouraged.

But God is shifting this kind of thinking. I can feel it.  

"All life in the Spirit  either comes to us or is established is us by process..." Graham Cooke.

I've slowed down. God slowed me down when I moved to York. He did it in a process. I was all over the place--International, national and local. And the He got me focusing nationally by cutting down my travel and now I feel like a local yokel(local yorkie?)  It's become even more dramatic in the past few months through forced sabbatical. If I had planned this sabbatical, I would have planned it. But God popped it on me and I'm now slower than ever. And I feel city bound.

Some people ask me "So are you planning next year?" and I have to tell them "No, I am not looking at it yet" and they give me a quizzical look. "This season is about rest" I told a woman on Sunday.  (I usually say "rest and discovery or exploration" because I have ventured out into some other ministries also during this season). The woman I spoke to on Sunday had a doubtful expression when she heard me speaking. She was almost saying: Can't you see the nation is ripe for evangelism? God is moving!   Yes, I see it, and yes, God is moving. But I feel like I'm this used car with a lot of mileage that is getting a thorough servicing...  and I'm just not ready to move yet--not all my parts are working!! It's not easy being in the auto shop.

If I begin looking at next year, I won't stop looking at next year and I will miss out on what God is saying to me now. This is my sense. God knows me. I like to plan ahead and He wants me to live in the now. Live in this process and get some renewal.

I have needed a new perspective. Things have been out of sync for a while now and I am living on the fumes of yesterdays fire. 

There is so much more, you see. There was that popular song in the 1990's:

Lord I groan, Lord I kneel
I'm cryin' out for something real
'Cause I know deep in my soul
There must be more 

Lord I'm tired,Lord I'm weak;

 I need your power to work in me. 

But I can't let go...I keep hanging on,

 there must be more.

I can feel myself being adjusted. I need to make some external adjustments, but mainly God wants to change me from the inside. The "more" i am looking for is more life in the Spirit. But this is not something that happens over night. And I'm striving to get it...striving not for results of a ministry or a church or a structure but for that PLACE of rest inside... and this place can be achieved internally and cannot be blocked by any man or structure...

As I look back on 18 years of ministry, I have real questions-- real concerns...about the state of my organization, about the health of the church, and about my own qualifications as a Christian leader.  I'm an idealist, and this is not an easy place to live. I get disappointed-- because we're not THERE yet. We haven't arrived and I want to see SO MUCH MORE. How do I live in the tension of "not there yet"?

There it is again--- I want to have ARRIVED. 

Strive to enter the rest.

So here I am... in a process, on the pilgrimage... on a journey. So the big questions becomes...as one step on this long journey, what has God got for me today? 

How can I cultivate faithfulness today? How can I let the Spirit of God lead me this day into greater thankfulness, greater humility, greater love? This is the day that the Lord has made...let us rejoice and be glad in it as we continue the journey...

I have a friend who says to me a lot "Keep it in the day" and I think that's right. I'm living one day at a time with God and this is helping me to live from a place of peace.

Blessed are those who have set their heart on pilgrimage.